{"id":33,"date":"2014-01-11T14:05:45","date_gmt":"2014-01-11T19:05:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dysautonomiainternational.org\/blog\/wordpress\/?p=33"},"modified":"2014-01-24T12:31:38","modified_gmt":"2014-01-24T17:31:38","slug":"supporting-relationships-through-chronic-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dysautonomiainternational.org\/blog\/wordpress\/supporting-relationships-through-chronic-illness\/","title":{"rendered":"Supporting Relationships Through Chronic Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today’s guest post is from Dr. Morwenna Opie. \u00a0Dr. Opie\u00a0is\u00a0a\u00a0Clinical Psychologist who works at the Nightingale Hospital in London, UK. \u00a0She specializes in supporting patients with chronic health conditions. \u00a0Dr. Opie has a unique perspective amongst medical professionals on what life with dysautonomia is really like – she has been diagnosed with POTS secondary to Sj<\/em>\u00f6<\/i>gren’s Syndrome.<\/em><\/p>\n

Supporting Relationships Through Chronic Illness<\/strong>
\nAs January is such a traditional time to assess our priorities, goals and wishes for the year ahead, it is worth dedicating some time amidst plans for nutritional tweaks and life-style changes to consider the important relationships in our lives (with partners, with friends, and with ourselves). \u00a0This is especially pertinent for people dealing with the additional strains of chronic illness, where feelings of isolation and relationship difficulties can be a major part of the disease burden. \u00a0Many patients cite \u2018brain-fog\u2019 and related cognitive difficulties as the worst aspect of their illness, in part because if effects their ability to interact effectively with others. \u00a0Fatigue and physical difficulties also create enormous changes in how we are able to spend time and share experiences with others.<\/p>\n

Healthy, supportive, and fun relationships can be our greatest asset in shaping a happy and fulfilling life, and this is especially the case when opportunities for physical activity are more limited. \u00a0Equally however, maintaining unhealthy relationships can be more toxic to our health as those chocolate binges or caffeine or whatever else we might have resolved to do away with this month. \u00a0The evidence continues to accrue demonstrating that social stressors and anxiety takes their toll on our immunological functioning, and all aspects of our physiology, with the potential to cause a vicious cycle of deteriorating physical and mental health – and relationships. \u00a0All friendships, even at the best of the times, need ongoing review and nurturing to be most rewarding. \u00a0There are times when relationships need to be recognised as damaging to the low-stress and positive environment we need to cultivate to maximise our health, requiring major changes or severance. \u00a0A positive aspect of being unwell can be the clarity that comes about what is important and where our priorities lie.<\/p>\n

Life partners or parents also experience grief, loss, and frustration at seeing their loved-ones at the mercy of a cruel and unpredictable illness. \u00a0Life can be challenging in many ways, and with one partner ill, significant financial and practical burdens fall on the other-half. Partners with a chronically ill spouse are, for example, six times more likely to be clinically depressed. \u00a0The ensuing exhaustion can prevent the clear communication required to prevent a negative spiral of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. \u00a0Such \u2018mind-reading\u2019 is at the heart of many a relationship break-down that I have worked with.<\/p>\n

Dysautonomia Patient: \u201cIt\u2019s been a tough day today fatigue-wise.\u201d
\nHealthy Partner: \u201cYes, I feel\u00a0exactly the same<\/i>, totally pooped.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/strong>
\nDysautonomia Patient: \u201cAre you worried about me?\u201d
\nHealthy Partner: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I imagine many can smile with recognition at the first quote above about tiredness\/fatigue. \u00a0There is significant potential here for a row \u2013 the dysautonomia sufferer feeling that their fatigue isn\u2019t sufficiently understood as different to \u2018normal\u2019 tiredness, the healthy partner feeling that their genuine grievances aren\u2019t recognised or supported. \u00a0Happily, there is also opportunity here for loving support, a connection in shared-experience and to engage in appropriate choices from activity menus (see below)… and possibly a discussion around what true fatigue is like at a later date! \u00a0The second quote represents another oft-experienced area of misunderstanding, rather typical of male-female miscommunication. \u00a0The healthy partner’s \u201cno\u201d response may express his belief that all will be well and his partner will conquer all \u2013 she may well interpret it as him not caring. \u00a0Sorting these requires regular and clear communication at appropriate times, often in a different or allocated environment, when both parties are as well fed and rested as possible.<\/p>\n

Some tips for life partner relationships:<\/p>\n